[ o b s e s s i o n ]

I'm currently obsessed with the song "Kidding Ourselves" by Stabilo.

Aside from the interesting blend of haunting but uplifting acoustic sound, the lyrics somehow touch me right now...

Kidding Ourselves Lyrics

And I, I wanted to tear down the curtains
To let, let in some natural light
I wake up and open one eye
And wait for the window to crack at me, alone

And I, I wanted to curl up beside you
And die, at least for an hour or more
Depending on how you react
Depending on how you respond to me
I'll stick around

We're kidding ourselves kidding ourselves
So what do you want from me
'Cause as long as there's a payphone and a taxi cab I'm alright 'cause I can leave home
We're kidding ourselves kidding ourselves
So what are you waiting for
'Cause even with a fast car and a cellphone I won't leave 'cause I'd be alone

So tonight, let's be as bold as we want to
And drink, drink 'til we fall down the steps
Remember how that made us laugh
Remember how all that we did was laugh, and cry

Well, we're kidding ourselves kidding ourselves
So what do you want from me
'Cause as long as there's a payphone and a taxi cab I'm alright 'cause I can leave home
We're kidding ourselves kidding ourselves
So what are you waiting for
'Cause even on a bullet train or a jet plane I won't leave 'cause I'd be alone
And I'm lucky to find cardboard in an alleyway that I can call home

So tonight, let's be as bold as we want to run, four eyes ohhh
We're kidding ourselves kidding ourselves
So what do you want from me
'Cause as long as there's a payphone and a taxi cab I'm alright 'cause I can leave home
We're kidding ourselves kidding ourselves
So what are you waiting for
'Cause even on a bullet train or a jet plane I won't leave 'cause I'd be alone
I'm lucky to find cardboard in an alleyway that I can call home
So don't take your eyes off me, don't look away
I won't be alone
At home

To hear the song go here: http://www.stabilomusic.com/
then click on "albums" and "kidding ourselves" to play the song

[ b i g - f i s h ]

I was in Vancouver 2 weeks ago saltwater fishing...and caught THIS...

Yes, *I* caught it and reeled it in! I'm so proud!  hmmm... the fish at the bottom of this page looks so small now...

[ o t t a w a - m a r a t h o n ]

I orginally wrote this in e-mail to some friends...but I thought I'd share it here...

Last weekend was the deciding moment. Would all my training pay off? It was a scorching hot day in Ottawa to run - a high of 28 degrees celcius! Luckily there was only low humidity. My race began at 10:15am. At 10:05 I took my place at the start line with the other 10 000 half marathoners. If you've never been to a marathon before, let me explain. All the elite athletes are lined up at the front of the line (you know, the Kenyans and other great internatioal runners). Then behind the elite athletes they place the other ordinary runners in order by the time it will take them to finish. Me? I was WAY~ in the back...where all the senior citizens were: 2 hours and 30 minutes  - this was my target time! At 10:15 the start gun was fired and I stood there. It would take another 10 minutes after the gun went off for me to pass the offical Start Line and for me to start my race.

Running is a mind game...I had to fight in my mind to keep pushing further: 14km...hang in there Nabiki...you can do it! 15km...didn't I just run past this point already? 16km...WTF?! This race isn't over yet?!  Needless to say I was a far cry from turning on the gas and going strong in my last 5km!

My legs were hurting from exhaustion and I was beginning to feel light headed because of the heat. As I ran, I saw lots of people collasped on the side of the road - victims of heat and exhaustion. They were being tended to by medics... I would not be one of these roadside victims I told myself. Then I heard it...the cheers from the watching crowd were getting louder! I was less then 2km from the finish line...I knew that no particular person was cheering for me but the cheers encouraged me to push forward....so I did with all my will power. Then I saw the 750m point...I started to pick up my pace...then the 500m point...my legs moved even faster....200m...I could see the finish line! The cheers were roaring around me! I was now in a full sprint passing all the people around me! To my right, I saw my image on the big TV screen as the TV camera focused on me. I ran harder and through the finish line looking up just in time to see my time: 2 hours 38 minutes - gun time. My offical time would later be revealed as 2 hours 30 minutes - my target time! YES~! I finished my frist Half Marathon! I made my target time and to my surprise, I was feeling very good! My running buddy F was right! I was no elite athlete but I did have lots of fun!

Later I found out that the elite female athletes ran the whole 21km in 1 hour 10 minutes (my split time)...so like...by the time I was half way done, they had finished!  LOL! Oh well...I'm not elite but I am hooked on running now. I think my next goal will be to run this same race in 2 hours - with proper training this time!

[ b u r n e d - o u t ]

I haven't been good with blogging but I'm so freak'n stressed right now with work, people at work and friends that I NEED to vent!!

My peeve... why are people so unbelievably freak'n self absorbed?!

I'm at work right now ... it's almost 7:00pm... normally I wouldn't complain however over the last 2 weeks I've put in 3 days worth of over time hours. 3 DAYS worth!! Why? One of my coworkers - let's call him "G" - quit his job. Both G and I knew that after he quit I'd be assigned his accounts. I was a bit weary of the workload because due to technically difficulties we had with one of our programs, everyone in my department was a month behind on our deliverables. I spoke to G before he left and he assured me that he had done most of the prep work so that when the technical difficulties were resolved, I'd just have to comfirm and add the stats. I trusted him - our supervisor trusted him. After he left, I started working on his accounts and found that he had done nothing! NOTHING!! CRAP....I saw it coming (the whole month he was siting at his desk and reading!!) I doubted he was doing his share of the work but I believed him when he told me that he'd completed his tasks. So now I'm stuck doing his month's worth of work on top of my own! 

To pour more salt on the open wound, the lead for the group handling these accounts was laid off so I was left to take the lead on these accounts which I know nothing about and trying to piece missing info together before they are reassigned. This couldn't have come at a worse time as I'm in consulting and we are in the middle of contract renewal time - which means added stress as we are trying to work to retain our clients for another year or so. I hate talking to the client and not knowing what is going on....grrrrrrrrrrr......I'm so disgruntled right now. I never asked for this!!

This craziness from work has also spilled over to my personal life. I've been so busy for the past month that I wasn't able to keep things on track in both my volunteer activites as well as my personal life. In my volunteer life, I'm part of a committee which promotes international relations bewteen Canada & Japan. The group, which has serval regional chapters, is holding a national conference in Vancouver which I really wanted to go to. To be considered for the conference, I was supposed to apply and then delegates would be chosen based on applications....but because I've been so busy at work putting in over time...I missed the application deadline.   Did I mention that I'm disgruntled?! I've scheduled a meeting with my supervisor to discuss having all this work taken off my plate.

The other thing happening at work right now is that I just got a promotion. I should be happy....ok...I'm happy a bit... but one of my co-workers, we'll call her "E" is raining on my parade and being such a baby about it. When I was given the promotion, I was asked to keep it confidential until it was officially announced to the company. When it comes to confidentiality, I always keep to that rule. I work in a business where confideniality is key and if it is breeched, there will be serious repecusions. Some of my other co-workers had a feeling I'd gotten the promotion so they asked me if that was the case. I'm not the type of person who contributes to office gossip...but I don't like to lie when I know that in this case, if confidentiality is breeched, heads won't roll... so when asked, I told the truth about my promotion. Two days after I was told about my promotion, a company-wide memo went out announcing it (my company is smaller so they announce everything!). After it was announced, E went around asking others if they knew that I got the promo. Later I heard news from my other co-workers that E was upset about being kept in the dark so I went to talk to her. She told me that she felt like I didn't trust her because I didn't tell her about my promotion and that it really upset her that I didn't tell her directly. I listened to her whine some more about not being in the loop regarding this. Then I explained to her that when people tell me to keep things confidential, I don't go around announcing things - it's not my style. I also explained that when people ask me directly about it I don't like to lie...so if she had asked me directly...like the others, then I would have told her. I assured her that it was nothing personal...that's just the type of person I am. I told her I understood how she might have feel hurt but asked her to consider my point of view too. She wasn't too keen on considering my viewpoint and keep going on about how her feelings were hurt. After talking to her, I let the topic go...we had differences in viewpoints and we left it at that...but now I'm pretty sure she's gossiping to others about it because I notice a difference in how some people treat me - people who I don't work with regualrly but who she talks to all the time. F*** I HATE gossipers...I know I'll be able to ride it out...as I've done so before...but man...wtf is E's problem?! GET OVER IT!!   I never whined about feeling left in the dark whenever she planned stuff without me or had news that she didn't tell me.... FRIIIIGGG!! I bet she never considered MY feelings when she hadn't included me in the past. Unlike her however, I didn't dwell on it or take it personally.

Aside from all my work-related problems...in my personal life I'm trying to organize a gift for a good friend of mine. She's such a sweet girl who never asks for anything but always gives everything. Her birthday is coming up soon and I wanted to do something  nice for her so I'm trying to organize a nice group gift for her. I e-mailed a group of our closest friends who have known her for more than 10 years, thinking that they'd be estatic to want to contribute. I wasn't askinf for much...I didn't even put a price on it... I just asked if they would contribute to the gift what they could. When the reply e-mails came back I was so disappionted to see that some people said that they weren't so keen on pitching in a few bucks to get a our good friend of over 10 years a nice gift - stating that they had no money because of this and that...blah blah blah... FRIIGGG...birthday girl had just gotten them some really nice gifts for their own birthdays recently - my, how soon they've forgotten.... not to mention that I know birthday girl makes significantly less than they do. Did they forget that she was supposed to be a REALLY GOOD friend. I just don't get it!  

I don't like to tell people how to spend their own money...but sometimes I just think people are so self-centered. Why can't they look beyound themselves for just one second? I'm not asking for a lot of money...just a couple of bucks to get her something really nice that she wouldn't be able to afford on her own. I hate hearing people complain they don't have enough money to contribute to gift for a GOOD friend and then later I see them spending more money on an expensive dinner for themselves or a couple of drinks at the bar! Like a lot of people my age right now, I'm also strapped for cash...and I'm willing to bet my first born child that I'm more strapped for cash than these other people who are being so self-centered....birthday girl is also strapped for cash... but we both managed to look beyond ourselves and get something nice for them on their birthdays cause we think of them as good friends...

I swear, at times like this I really miss being in Japan where my friends and the people I worked with were a lot more considerate and less self-centered.

[ d o m e s t i c ]

I felt domestic today so I decided to make dumplings...from scratch! I've made dumplings before but had always used the store bought wrappers as they are pretty cheap and there is no fuss involved. Recently, however, I've been wanting to learn how to make the wrappers too. SO....today...cause I felt like being domestice, I looked up instructions on how to make the wrappers online...and tried to make them. They turned out to be easier then expected cause the dough was simple to make. And if you've ever made dough before, the technique is not that much different. Wrapping the dumplings with the home made wrappers was much easier than wrapping them with the store bought kind because these fresh wrappers were more maliable so I could manipulate them around the dough more easily. And...as a bonus...i got family bonding time as my little brother helped me wrap them too. Here a pic of our finished dumplings. Mine are the ones that are cooked and in the foreground. My little bro made the ones in the background. He calls them finger dumplings...and the big ones toe dumplings.

Oh...I guess I should wrap up my last entry... teehee...

Well, my friend got married at the Royal York...and all it's splendor! (For those who don't know Toronto Hotels, the Royal York is the most prestigeous). She was a gorgeous bride and I know they will be happy forever. Here are a couple of a pics. The first one is of the bridal party (for those guessing I'm the one on the left of the beautiful bride and Kayoko is the one on the right), and the second one of the first dance. Both were taken by the pro photographer...

...AND just cause I'm proud of the following shinning moment in my fishing career this year....

Please, just call me BASS MASTER PRO!!!